T-0 Day – 2047 – Ordina Asteroid Field, Battlestar Rhea – CAG’s Quarters
The door slid open. Dim light from the corridor poured into her as-dim quarters, right towards her bed. Elena saw him there, a silhouette against the darker wall, still showing many features, as her eyes were already used to the lighting conditions. Nagala was lying on her rack, apparently still in full gear, down to his boots. She clenched her fist when she noticed that he didn’t respect her property at all, that he just stomped onto it. But his face seemed to be blank, his breathing a little hastened but steady. Sound asleep... probably having a nightmare.
Hesitantly, she stepped into her rooms, drew closer to him and looked around. All of her other belongings, her piano and guitar, her books and her wardrobe, were untouched. And he didn't seem to notice her as he did not move or react in any way.
She stopped and noticed how unsteadily she was walking. The alcohol and exhaustion showed more effect by the minute. For a moment, she took into consideration to sleep on her couch instead of the bed but then again, it would have satisfied him even more to see that she was backing away from him. And she couldn’t let that happen. Elena was aware of how close she had been to killing him but to let him notice it would make her vulnerable and weak. He would use that to full extent.
So she just rubbed her eyes tiredly amd massaged her stiff neck. And upon opening her pony tail, releasing her hair, she started to undress.
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John's eyelids were closed tight, holding in his rapidly swinging eyes. He was in a dream state, a nightmare world of smoke, fire, the smell of burning flesh and death all around him. He couldn't move, couldn't make a sound. Instead he lay there, petrified, on the deck of the Atlantia's CIC. He'd seen it once before, when he was a boy. His father had taken him on a tour of the ship, back when it had been their finest new Battlestar. It looked very different now. Bodies were strewn across the deck around him. Explosions rocked the ship and sent sparks flying around the room. Everywhere he could see, flames were licking up from the floor, from the consoles. Someone was screaming in pain. That horrible scream that can only mean certain death for its creator.
In the center of the room was a dark figure.. tall and strong. He could barely make out who it was through the smoke and haze, but he was sure in his gut that it was his father. He tried to call out to him, but no sound would form from his frozen mouth. The heat was so intense.
Then, suddenly, there was another explosion and the tall figure was thrown from his post, cast down upon the deck nearby. Nagala could see clearly now the face of his father, lifeless and charred. Blood and burned flesh covered his left cheek and his eyes stared off into eternity. The flames began to pick up, and the sounds of the battle became hushed.. muted. Then there was silence and darkness.
As the door to the quarters swung open, John's eyes found only blackness around him. Then he remembered. The power was out. He closed his eyes again, trying to calm himself from the dream. The smell of alcohol that wafted into the room along with the CAG was not helping to settle his churning stomach.
He heard her stumble across the room and stop. He would have been drinking himself, were it not for the pain that continued to stab at his gut from the earlier fight. Pulling Gs in a Viper, even though he'd barely been involved in the earlier dogfight, had not made things any better and despite the nurse's insessant assurances that he was fine, he felt horrible.
Then he heard something that caught his attention. He opened his eyes again, slowly, and found himself able to see relatively well in the darkness after having his eyes shut for so long. He watched silently as she began to remove her shirt, slipping it over her head quietly. She probably thought he was still asleep. Then she sat on the small sofa in the corner and began to pull off her boots.
John hadn't really thought about it before but, despite her harsh attitude and strong arms, she had a very feminine, very attractive figure. She was beautiful.. almost fragile somehow. John wondered if it was the same woman who had pinned him to the deck and broken his nose only hours previous. Was it possible?
She stood, apparently having removed her boots, and began to un-fasten her belt. John's interest grew. He watched as she slowly removed the last bit of flight suit she had on, trying not to make a sound. He felt like his breathing could have shook mountains, but she didn't seem to notice it. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.
"That you, CAG?"
The voice was incredibly loud in the absolute silence, ripping through it like a blunt blade through raw steak. It made her wince, made her wonder how long he had been watching because his voice sounded throaty but not sleepy. But somehow she had suspected that he might be watching.
Her gaze fixed on his face. The weak emergency lighting in her room was reflected by the moist of his eyes, so she knew exactly that their looks met. And instead of grabbing her clothes again and covering herself in her underwear, she straightened her back and responded a plain “Yeah”.
The fact alone that this basic question and the even more primitive answer were not insults or any other kind of opening for an argument was amazing. She couldn’t remember having had a single exchange with him that didn’t immediately turn into a struggle for power. And this circumstance was enough to wash all her strain away at once. Elena walked over to her bed and sat down next to him, looking at his face. All the hatred that was usually there simply… wasn’t there now. Understanding had taken its place.
John watched as the CAG sat down beside him on the bed. Were it not for the ambrosia on her breath and her state of undress, he wouldn't have guessed she was intoxicated. In fact, she was handling her liquor extremely well.
Probably drinks a lot, he told himself. She's had a tough life. Makes sense, I guess... What's my excuse?
“Must be hard for you”, she stated into the re-established silence. Saying this almost sounded like a different approach to the conversation she had had with Tracey before they had ceased talking in favor of hugging each other. But this had a different feeling about it.
They would hit the flag ship first. His father's probably dead.
“I guess it sounds empty and overused but… I really am sorry for your loss.” There it was again, just like before: ‘Your’ loss, like she was addressing all that was left of humanity, everybody else. It excluded herself, like she wasn’t related at all, only sharing the outer appearance. And it made her smile bitterly to be aware of it. Tracey's words and warmth had comforted her, moved her. But then again, as much as she wanted it: After that many years, nobody could set her free from her inner demons just like that.
"No," he said. "That's all right. You know, you're the first person to even.. to even talk to me about it. Actually, you're one of the few people I've even talked to at all since the attack. I tried to find Phoenix after the battle.. but.. but I couldn't find her."
He looked around at the darkness, trying to work out his emotions. He'd spent his life being carefree and arrogant, never really caring about anyone. Now it was too late. All those people he had taken for granted over the years - his mom, his brother.. even his father - they were dead. His friends in the fleet.. what few of them there were, anyways.. were dead too. Phoenix was all he had left. If she was gone too, then...
"I just.." he said, trying to keep his mind off the idea with talk.
"I just wish I wasn't such a frakking jerk off. You know what I mean, of course. All I've been doing since my dad forced me into the service is trying to get out. Now it's all I've got. There's nowhere else to go. My life has become a nightmare and now I can't do a frakking thing about it. All I wanted was to prove to my father that I was a man. That I had it in me to survive as a Viper Pilot. But that wasn't enough for him. I had to become a frakking Admiral before I was getting out.. just like him."
He turned back to her.
"I'm sorry," he said. "You don't need to hear this. You're not the damn ships counselor or a priest or anything like that..."
“It’s alright”, she responded, shaking her head at his last remark. She always knew that he couldn’t just be the loudmouth he presented to everybody else, that there had to be a reason behind it. But to look into his head was something she couldn’t describe. It was like she was finally looking into a puddle that showed an only slightly altered image of herself.
She exhaled audibly.
“It’s not that I… really hate you, you know? It’s just that I… somewhat switched sides.” She laughed softly. “Probably sounds like I’m an old woman but... you remind me a little of how I was when I was young, really young. It’s not easy to survive as an orphan on Gemenon. I had to fight to prove myself, to be free, to show that I was hard, that I could take on everybody, even my housemasters. That I wouldn’t pray to their Gods, no matter what they did. The only difference is that I had to fight in order to survive and you did because you didn’t want to be what he imagined you to be.”
She bit on her lower lip, only for one second, and took a breath that sounded like she was on the verge of crying, but her voice still hadn’t changed. Her matter-of-fact tone was still the same, though it sometimes was darker or sounded amused.
“In the end, the difference doesn’t matter. We both fought authority, in a way. Now, somewhere down the road, you were still fighting because the military represented everything your father was to you. For me, it was the opposite. It was a new beginning, a chance to realize my dreams, not to ever give a frak about my past anymore."
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't cover all of her sadness. And she wondered how it was possible for her to open up like this to him, after everything that had happened. Was it because of Tracey? Because he seemed like a similar mind? Anyways, it felt relieving. Not as much as before but... good. And it even felt good to listen to him, take a little of his pressure, ease his pain. Still, she wanted to avoid showing too much of her own sorrow as possible, even if it was a losing game.
"It was my chance to show that I was strong, that I was smart and that I could do anything I wanted to, get to the top. And every time you behaved like that, every time you challenged me and my rank, it hurt because you showed me that all of my work might be meaningless and that, in the end, nothing changed at all. That I’m basically still in the orphanage and fighting the other children just to be safe for one more day.”
Her voice cracked at the last few words.
Meanwhile, John sat in the dark, listening. So there was more to Ice than she showed. Pain and anger inside, like himself, that she kept to herself. She was human after all.
"I'm sorry," he said. The words were unfamiliar, but true.
"Sorry for what I did. I know I can't change the past, but you should know that I... That I only act this way because.. I.. I don't even know why. Maybe because I can't deal with my own problems. I turn my anger at myself and at my father on other people. I never hated you either, and I never really meant any of the things I said. Just my way of trying to alleviate my own insecurities. Around you, I feel incompetent and.. well.. inadequate, I guess."
He smiled.
"And hey," he said. "I mean, you kicked my ass pretty bad earlier. I know it might not sound like much coming from the likes of me, but you're probably the toughest.. most badass person I know - man or woman. You earned your rank and I've just been coasting through unhappily on my fathers coat-tails. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Least of all me."
For a moment, she looked at him in surprise. Then she... laughed, barely managing to get a "Thank you" out. And she laughed even harder when she went on, "It really feels good to have you kissing my ass for once".
And it really did. Not so much for the compliment, though she really felt a little better, but more for the fact that this teasing remark wasn't an insult but just a joke; that he, for the first time, gave her the feeling that she could make a joke that he wouldn't understand as mocking. And that she could laugh wholeheartedly in his presence, which had basically been an impossibility.
Last edited by Elena Vance on Sun Feb 15, 2009 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total